"...and so we watched the sun come up from the edge of the deep green sea, and (he) listens like (his) head is on fire like (he) wants to believe in me..."
Somehow the death of a soul is not as tragic as the death of a heart.
Once a heart is broken it will always bear the scars of where it was bruised and ripped apart.
But experience changes nothing and I walk straight back into a dangerous alley-way, trapped between the walls of my ego, my trust and my hope, facing the one who's already torn into all three and left me cold...
...broken.
"you and me alone, a secret kiss, and don't go home, don't go away, don't let this end, please stay"
Friends seem like enemies when they try and tell me to run away from him. And when I'm lying outside at 3:26 am under the stars crying, I begin to give in to their pleas.I think of all the lies, broken promises, fake sentiment and false affection and i start to let go.
"but just as i'm breaking free (he) hangs (him)self in front of me... hands in the sky, surrenders it all..."
And with a few simple words or just one smile, my throat closes in and i choke on my own desparation, I fall in over again, I surrender my heart and my insecurities...
I lose.
"I wish i could just stop. I know another moment will break my heart. Too many tears, too many times, too many years i've cried for you"
And neither of us change. He keeps pulling me in and I keep allowing him to. I keep exposing my heart, and he keeps pulling it apart.
But for one moment when he seems to care and when his words are warm and believable, I feel worthy. I feel the greatest hope i could ever feel in myself, the hope that maybe the sun will shine forever.
Yet, I still wake up alone.
"It's always the same, wake up in the rain, head in pain, hung in shame, a different name, same old game, love in vain and miles and miles and miles and miles and miles away from home again..."
- From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea
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